Sense and Sensibility-ness-ing-ly

Before you tear me a new one, I’m not suggesting that Wipeout Australia (WOAU) will be our passage to world peace. This show isn’t in any way high brow, and so to compare it to serious television would be doing it, and the comparatives, a disservice.

That said, what WOAU does offer us is 60 minutes of ensuing hilarity based on the Mel Brooks school of comedy (“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die”). One could argue that the various water-based ‘events’ in WOAU are that open sewer, considering the state the pools must be in at the end of the day with muddy contestants ending up in them so frequently.

The true gold in this show is the commentary offered by the hosts one time cricketer and sometimes cricket/footy caller James Brayshaw and comedic talent Josh Lawson. While I’m sure some poor hack spends precious hours coming up with the script, the delivery by the duo is the icing on a tv-car-accident cake. Each contestant is inevitably parodied in some fashion – either to their benefit or otherwise – and we simply get to laugh along. Check out this clip, and watch out for “God’s Gift” and you’ll see what I mean.

Either watch it, Tuesday nights at 7:30pm on Channel 9, or track more of it down on YouTube or Nine's Video site. You know you want to. I’m really disappointed with Nine’s web support of the show – I guess their effort is reflective of the budget.

DISCLAIMER:: I was put onto this by my friend TJ, who I must offer as the guru for spotting spectacular TV. She warned me about it when Nine started showing the US version, offering an Australian version will be made (and here it is). She also alerted me as to why I would like this – the creator of Big Brother (Jon de Mol) and his production company are responsible for this. They’ve delivered a spectacular cookie-cutter approach to television too! Build a set; film a series; prove your low budget, big ratings idea is a winner; licence it to the various territories you have a footprint in and allow them to film a season at your already built and paid for set, thus generating you additional income; sit back and wash yourself in your favourite currency (currently, mine is Zimbabwean dollars... who doesn’t want a One Billion dollar note to pay for your daily bread?!).

...and my parent is a horrible, vain mess, trying to live their fame through me.

I, like a few other Australians, watched this car accident of a television show on Wednesday night. I was transfixed - in awe, even. I knew of this myth of the stage parent but didn't believe it to be true. Oh. My. Goodness. It's true and then some.

The basic premise is simple, and a mirror of the same show from the US: 10 kids with some talent (term used very loosely) and their parents are boot camped into a house together for 10 weeks, to compete in a series of challenges that sees 1 team booted each week until we have a winner. Judged by "industry experts" - week 1 it was Max Markson (token Australian content), Marki Costello (loud, abrasive American know-all judge) and Danny Bonaduce (responsible for the series in the US), and hosted by a Daddo with a hint of a US accent. I think he was popular once.

The show in week one was brutal. BRUTAL. The girl that ended up getting kicked at the end had her to camera piece after her initial audition and was all devasated after being told all the vivid lycra and makeup was too much: "I didn't know that showbiz was a t-shirt and jeans, I thought it was all razzle... dazzle...". Ouch. It's really interesting watching how the parents and kids interact too... what is being fed them by their supposedly responsible parental figure. Week one showed us only one realistic parent who hesitated when the judges asked who thought their kid would win. This parent figured that her son didn't have everything the judges were looking for yet. All the other parents were straight in. The jugdes applauded the hesitant parent as being far more grounded than the others... and they all got their noses out of joint somewhat!

Our child stars have an amount of talent. Combined. Last time I checked 'cuteness' was not talent, although 'Agent to the stars' Costello mentioned at the end of token cute child's performance "I don't care what you're selling, I'm buying". Now you know where we're heading...

The kids are treating it like a big camp as best we can tell, with a weekly talent comp. The parents are already jockeying for positions, and starting to show who REALLY wants to be the star. It's so bad you cringe, but you cannot turn away. You seriously can't. Something else might go wrong, or someone else might say something despicable. sOmeone's kid might put in a performance they think is spectacular when it really is just shyte. It's the parents who face the judges when it comes to kicking out time, and they then have to walk into a room with all the kids to get/tell their child. When week one's kickee left, the older kids were all "the poor kid" and "I feel so sorry for her" and lots of tears. If nothing else, when it comes to their requirement to call on queue, they've all got that in spades. To one of the older kid's credit (a boy who must have younger siblings) he was concerned about how the younger kids reacted to the child leaving, and was more than supportive and comforting to them. Perhaps the real idea behind "My Kid's a Star" is to find the human child underneath all that costume and greasepaint. Perhaps it's to highlight that these kids are just that: kids. It's their parents who aren't letting them be JUST kids.

So... get behind 'My Kid's A Star', Australia. A program done so cheaply it doesn't even have its own interactive website. We have to see how everyone goes - we can't have it die after only two episodes (it's worth more than that)... MUST WATCH!

While it isn't  reality TV in its truest sense, this was the performance of the night - John Butler Trio and Keith Urban live at the Arias 2007 with the JBT hit "Funky Tonight"...

It's no secret I am a reality TV tragic. This year, however, Big Brother has not drawn the same attraction that it has the other years. Too formulaic, and too much about "let's put young pretty people together and see if we can get them to have sex on television". We nearly got it this year, with reportedly Jamie and Katie engaging in... umm... oral activities... under the doona. Close, but no cigar ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman...").

I do, however, keep up with the latest on Big Brother on the only place on the web to check - Behind Big Brother. Vibes and the team keep you informed with all the real goings on, and are often first with the news on what is really happening - and have broken scandals regarding past series and past contestants.

I was checking it out today and noticed an entry talking about the voting, and the continual wondering how it all adds up now that there are votes to evict and votes to save contestants when they are nominated. Quite legitmately the question is being asked, as people are watching and dutifully texting in (at $0.55 a hit!) to either evict who they want and/or save their favourite housemate.

From Sunday night, this was the "published" percentages:
Katie - Evict: 41%
Katie - Save: 25%
???1 - Evict: 22%
???1 - Save: 20%
???2 - Evict: 37%
???2 - Save: 55%

It notes that Gretel on Sunday night said that "after the evict and save votes are merged", we get these final percentages (and this determines who goes):
Katie - 64% Evict
???1 - 19% Evict
???2 - 17% Save

Now, I'm no mathematician, but no matter how you weight the evict or save votes, there is NO WAY you can get Katie to be evicted over ???1!! As a possible explanation, Katie's in-house boyfriend Jamie and BB2006 favourite David were the other two up for nominations... and based on current favouritism, it's pretty easy to work out that ???1 is Jamie and ???2 is David. These stats are revealed after the person is evicted and the identity of the other noimated-but-not-evicted evictees is always kept hidden.

Now, the cynic in me says that as Jamie has/had a chance with some other chick (apparently) in the house, and (let's face it) a pining girl for her guy is NOT good tv, the producers intervened and made it so that Katie was evicted. Whatever - it's their show...

The issue becomes that BB fans are spending their hard earned dollars (or in most of the demographic's case - mum and dad's hard earned dollars) on votes that seemingly have no impact on the whole process. That makes the voting process just a money-grabbing exercise, and a worse one than any federal government tax system. Where is the justice? How can people who vote get a clear explanation of how the votes add up or are weighted so that they know how to cast their vote so that it has the most impact? It is one of those situations where if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it must be rigged.

(OK, it isn't directly 'reality tv', but it's as real as it gets - and it's been beating Big Brother for the past two weeks!)

Well, Todd Russell and Brant Webb are above ground again, after two weeks trapped underground.

It is completely amazing - that they were found alive in the first place nearly a week after the cave in at the end of shift at the Beaconsfield Gold Mine in Tasmania, but that then they were subjected to a further week of rescue digging/blasting/everything else. Just incredible... a testimony to the things the human body can go through.

It's great they are out. The only thing getting on my nerves is the complete media saturation we are being subjected to - newspapers, internet media, radio, TV (this was MADE for TV!), etc. For example, I said to Michelle that some journos are just not sure how to deal with it all. Mel and Kochie from Sunrise were there again this morning when they came out, and were (of course) relating what was going on to all the viewers. If only, even for a minute, they just shut up and let the moment happen, instead of feeling they had to narrate every little thing that went on. Something to brush up on for next time, guys (let's pray there isn't a next time, for the people involved's sake, and for all of ours!)...

Their families have gone through the nightmare as well, and we've seen every tear and hug on the 6 o'clock news to boot - every media outlet has wanted a piece of them, and to their credit they have handled themselves extremely well. As the rescue has taken so long however, it's meant that there have been some things that we probably didn't want to know, or already new (8 times ago), that we've been offered again as "the latest information". I wonder if there is a deal in it for them too? Cyncial, I know, but realistic...

We must also remember the two deaths during this media circus - the family of miner Larry Knight have lost a son/father, as have Richard Carleton's family (too many ciggies, even after two heart ops and prostate cancer treatment). In the midst of joy/sadness. Like we're told in Ecclesiastes - there's a time for everything, and while this morning it was definitely time for rejoicing and celebration, this afternoon it will be time for mourning as the community at Beaconsfield finally get the chance to lay their lost one to rest. With Brant and Todd present, just as everyone wanted it.

How surreal will that be for the two rescued this morning - that they are not only attending the funeral of a mate (that well have could have been theirs just as easily), but that also they've got two weeks of adrenaline that erupted as joy and relief this morning that will now directly become grief... which will no doubt then get washed away with a beer or 12.  ;)

Now we must bolster ourselves for the inevitable 'exclusive' media deal (worth reportedly over $1 million), the tele-movie, the book, the talk-show/morning show circuit appearances, the press conferences, the song, the ongoing reports a year later as to how Brant and Todd are going, the everything else... the only glimmer of hope in all this is that, by all reports, the guys are actually quite normal, much the larrikins and interesting as it stands (independent of all this fuss). At least they'll probably have something interesting and funny to say... the first couple of times, anyway...

I know it shocked me - Toby Allen voted off Dancing With The Stars in the semi-final! I have to start by saying that I am NOT a fan of the show (what could be more mind-numbing than watching pseudo-famous people do ballrooom dancing routines?? Maybe pseudo-famous people learning to ice skate from 80's glamour couple Torvill & Dean?!), however Michelle is a big fan of Sunrise, she has been flicking over to watch their weatherman Grant Denyer bust a few moves.

So, second last episode last night, and I come home from my first visit to the Brisbane Infrastructure Group, and Michelle is watching to see how Grant does. Very well it turns out. Then, at the end, I say to her "Well of course everyone is expecting a Grant vs Toby final, so Kostya Tzu must be ready to walk away..." - and with that, Toby was announced to be out. Listening to him in the press this morning, he was 'kicked' out, not voted out. Strange how your perception on things changes sometimes.

So, if you want to stay on Michelle's good side: Vote 1 Denyer. That said, I think he must be the shortest priced favourite to win since Tom Williams won the second series.

I couldn't help myself - I had to blog about this because I was SO IMPRESSED at the concept and the delivery. Working Dog have done it again!

The premise is simple, yet hard to explain (in their own words) - people, dressed in some kind of costume are thrust through a door into a scenario, greeted with the words "Thank God You're Here", and have to go on and keep the scene going. Simply brilliant. That said, some of the art comes down to the setup of the scene - in last night's first episode having Frank Woodley dressed as a Roman General dropped into Nero's palace with a report from the front was just genius. I have to agree with the guys on Tony Martin's Get This on Triple M that Frank Woodley is so funny that I could watch him walk down the street and it would be hilarious.

TGYH, although it's website is coming, has a link on the Channel 10 website that promises a download clip from the latest show - these are sure to become part of the same internet legend that has made the Chopper sketches from the Ronnie Johns show as infamous as they are.

The four performers from the first show - Fifi Box, Frank, Angus Samson and Pete Rowsthorn were not only subjected to their own individual "moment", but also given some warm up tasks leading into the taping (including spruiking at a shopping centre, having to deal with being arrested for speeding, and pretending to be a real estate agent showing a house to a couple), but also had a final group "moment" where all four (in this instance) were dressed as kids performers and then thrust into a scenario where they were pitching a new kids show to Channel 10 executives - the Wibbly Wobblies. Just fricken hilarious - especially when the execs told them that as they'd be working with kids they'd have to undergo police criminal background checks, and Frank in a dog suit says "That's it" and storms out, leaving the others to their own devices with at least 3 minutes left in the scenario - no wonder he "won" the night.

I can't wait for the next episode. It's become more than must-watch TV... Seriously...

According to today's The Courier Mail, Charles Gant/Charles Chakra has had his first of many days in court to start answering for his deeds.

In this case, it is to defend claims he tried to defraud Gold Coast property developer/V8 Supercar team owner Craig Gore over the purchase of some units from an "adults-only" development on the Coast.

You can read the article, so I won't reproduce it all here, but the bit that got me was that Gant represented himself. Isn't it an old saying that "a person who represents himself has a fool for a client"? Even better was that during the questioning he asked to "approach the bench" - common in the American judicial system, but not here!

Methinks not only has Gant been reading his own press releases too often, but also watching too many legal dramas on TV for tips... what a tool...

Now, I fancy myself as a bit of a reality television junkie. I'll give it all a start - just to see if it is any good. A few things have popped up on my radar as a surprisingly good take on this new genre proving to be a blight on the television landscape (beyond the normal Big Brothers, Idols and various multitude of "makeover" shows):

• The Joe Schmoe Show (reality TV's parody of itself);
• The Resort (so bad it was cancelled and so they "fired" everyone on air! - previously referred to here);
• Outback Jack (so cringe-worthy it was good); and
• Rock School (Gene Simmons as a teacher?... although not so much reality TV as rockumentary TV).

All of this accounted for, a bloke here in Australia is proving that even getting his own reality TV show off the ground is more interesting than the show itself... mainly due to the fact that the guy is a complete creep/stalker/rip-off-merchant, who is so deluded into thinking he is/can be a star, that he has also hooked up with some production company in the states who is as deluded as him and plans to release a "major motion picture" about his life.

None of this is speculation. It is all in the public arena, available for consumption. This is probably the saddest fact of all... he has no shame.

The man - Charles Gant (Charles Chakra).
The show - Fantasy Island.
The motion picture studios - XIT Motion Pictures.

The whole situation would be hilarious if he wasn't taking himself so seriously. Subsequently, in the case of the Fantasy Island TV show, hundreds of gullible, desperate women are going to be taken advantage of and taken for a ride by this poor excuse for a conman.

Case(s) in point...

1. Charles has been convicted of a stalking charge, brought on him by a previous girlfriend.
2. Charles has yet to stand trial on a charge of terrorism for calling up the Australian High Commission in Singapore six days after the Jakarta Embassy bombing and claiming to be Osama Bin Laden and offering threats (why have we not shipped him off to Guantanamo Bay already?!?!?!).
3. Fantasy Island has been in pre-production/auditions for the last two years - highlighted by the fact that at the launch of the "making of" program, Jo Ashton from BB03 was Charles's "date" (I would have thought that Harry M Miller had better sense than this, but then when you 15 minutes runs out Jo, grab onto what you can on the way down).
4. Fantasy Island is no closer to even being filmed, yet alone going on air, and yet Charles still continues to "audition" girls for the program.
5. The XIT Motion Pictures website is created with the same crap level of skill as the Fantasy Island one - suggesting the same person and therefore the same background company running both issues - and is full of copyright breaches and intellectual property concerns... an entertainment lawyer's field day.
6. Even though Fantasy Island is "scheduled" to film in a resort in Thailand in November 2005, Charles's passport is due to be surrended to the courts as the judge on his case believes he is a flight risk.

Seriously, any guy who publishes THAT many shots of himself on the Fantasy Island website must have not only an MCG-sized ego, but also a mental condition to rival Cletus the Slack-Jawed yokel. He has a photo of himself sitting on the ground in front of a Lamboghini Contach STILL IN THE SHOWROOM for goodness sakes. Who CARES?? Anyone can go and get a PHOTO of themselves in a car showroom... oooooooh.

He (Charles) has also reportedly been contacted media outlets such as the Sydney Morning Herald to offer in kind advertising for good publicity. This guy doesn't need publicity - he needs a good therapist, some drugs and a lie down. This was best evidenced when the "consumer" media pack, including Channel 7 and their Today Tonight watchdog Helen Wellings, caught up with the Fantasy Island crew at the recent Syndey auditions... for most of it, he claimed he was being "targeted" (wonder why) and "falsely accused" (of what? the truth?!).

SIGH... I must say, I sit rivited for the future episodes of this drama to unfold. He has no friends at Brisbane's The Courier Mail, who rightly dog him at every turn. More will show up on the story... I can't wait to see/hear it... only to hope the end result is that he goes down in a big way for all of this. He's an idiot.

The Greedy Goose - Adelaide's entrant in My Restaurant Rules 2005 - were declared the winners of the series this past weekend.

Michelle and I were very happy for them. I guess, if Todd & Francesca couldn't win, then I am stoked it was one of the other "chef-included" couples. More than that, I am just bloody happy that Evan & Bella didn't win (stuck-up pretentious prats). They were just so precious about everything they did, like no one else had ever worked hard (or harder than them) to achieve something. Stupid little kids.

John & Justine have certainly proven they have a great concept, a great team, a (seemingly) great menu, and lots of public support. The cynic in me says it was the fact they are working parents and their kids featured so regularly that swung it for them. Whatever. I actually found it interesting that unlike last year's final, there was nothing made of 'which of the other contestants was at who's place for the final announcement'. A big hullabaloo was made over it, and where the judges went. In the end, the only previous 2005 contestant I saw was Andre Shannon from The Mint Leaf at Pink Salt's announcement party. Everyone else was conspicuous in their absence. Although, it was a given that Todd & Francesca wouldn't necessarily show at anyones - when interviewed by Dicko about who they thought would win in the second last episode, Todd backed The Greedy Goose, and Francesca back no one. Hmm... Telling...

We are planning to go to Adelaide in September for a friend's wedding, so we may have to see if we can book a table at the post-TV Greedy Goose. If so, watch for the review here.

P.S. Perth's Ash & Amanda - MRR's 2004 winners and proprieters of Room Nineteen - have announced they are closing up shop. Wonder what they'll get up to now?

Fresh off the news wire, is the news that Carina Stephenson has committed suicide. Carina was the daughter of the English settlers in SBS reality TV show The Colony [NOTE: Link currently dead - possibly removed by SBS as a reaction to this tragedy]).

The article goes on to talk about the possibility of the impact of the series on the teenager, however both the producers and her parents have refuted this theory. Additionally, Carina had apparently outed herself recently as a lesbian. The article goes on to list a couple of other suicide 'incidents' involving reality TV participants. The article suggests that the family's involvement in the show may have contributed to the unsettling of Carina. The series is yet to show in the UK, and at this point is on hold until the channel to show it have the blessing of the Stephenson family.

I really liked The Colony. The Stephenson family were a highlight - a great attitude, not necessarily looking for or causing conflict, and ready to take the humps with the bumps as far as the storyline. They made the most of what they had.

As for Carina's death - it's just sad. No good comes from suicide. I am sure her family and friends are devastated. It also sounds like they have a decent enough head on their shoulders not to blame a process that seemed (to me) to be a basic experiment for entertainment - not the "social engineering" that some reality TV shows can be (and these DO have a lot to answer for when it comes to the ongoing effects on both the participants and the general public unfortunate enough to have seen any of it).

RIP Carina Stephenson. May God have mercy on your soul.

Umm... what have I walked into over here!!?? I thought Australia had a fascination that was unhealthy with reality television - we have nothing on the Kiwis!

In one afternoon, I either watched the following shows or saw an ad for them...
- NZ Idol (a repeat(!!), in preparation for the new series about to launch)
- Dancing with the Stars (NZ version)
- The Summit (Survivor meets a cold, wet, NZ camp out)
- Treasure Island (where Jon Stevens vanished to post-INXS and post some of the best car accident TV I've ever seen - The Resort - check it out here as the production company that owns the resort try to salvage some money!)

None of it was spectacular. You can tell that some of it has very small budgets (especially the NZ Idol set!). The place seems so swept up in the whole process, they've overdosed on it and lost a complete understanding of what reality (tv) actually is.

To be truthful, I am a bit amazed at TV over here period. Suffering from some culture shock - but I will blog about all that later (maybe tonight). Until then, I will continue to be amazed by everything over here in the land of the long white cloud...

While it is now too late to do anything about saving Todd & Francesca (Restaurant Louvre), this year's MRR has proven to be an interesting journey, and as the final weeks approach it will get more interesting. It was just great to watch them and their obvious joy and passion in running a top class restaurant - shame it was snapped away from them by a couple of skanks from Syndey and Adelaide.

I was disturbed to hear that the other three women on the "food/review tour" that ultimately ousted Brisbane, ganged up on Brisbane to ensure they were nominated. They had previously been bitching about how "Brisbane think they are so good" and "Brisbane are so up themselves - we are all so nice" - talk about two faced. As far as I am concerned, not one of them deserves to win. It's all a sham.

I actually really hope Sydney make it through this elimination, but lose to Adelaide. It would serve them right, pretentious little know-it-all silver-spoon brats. Just appalling, and it shows in the attitude of some of their staff. Their concept of a restaurant (and I use the term loosely) was pretty pathetic, delivered even more poorly, and the only reason anyone went there was to be "seen". Stupid vain Sydney social set.

The only bright shining thing that has come out of this season has been Ian "Dicko" Dickson's ability to host up a storm. He's been witty, enjoyable to watch, and his larrakin spirit has made some of the more awkward moments either worse or better to watch (depending on the situation). He's been great, and I hope he comes back for Season 3 in 2006, if the show gets a run.

Is anyone actually watching this crap this year? Big Brother 2005 is seemingly just one big multi-gender pash/tit/"let's try and get some people to have sex on Australian TV"-fest. What a waste of so many creative people's time and energy, let alone the many hours (at current count, at least 21 hours a week!) that Channel 10 give to it. Seriously.

I have been a big fan of the series in the past - even auditioned in 2004 - but I have to say, they only thing that Big Brother seems to have on his mind at the moment must be the complete need for the act of attempted procreation. I mean, even down to the fact that alcohol this year is not a budgeted food item - BB "gives" it to the housemates at his whim (obviously whenever it is boring and they are wanting some "frisky, fun behaviour").

To say I am disappointed is an understatement...